Alright, is this supposed to be some kind of a practical joke or something? Here I am, lying in my hospital bed after my fourth heart attack, and MetalSucks assigns me an article by some band called Left to Die ? Hahaha, really fucking funny guys. If my strength wasn’t temporarily reduced to that of a blue-haired barista, I’d drive over to their goddamn office and kick all their asses. Anyway, the doc said I’d be alright if I cut back on the trans fats and start getting some exercise, and Doreen ’s going to stock the fridge with all sorts of bullshit rabbit food to keep me alive forever. Looks like I won’t be working my real job for a couple months, so I’ll be relying on my side hustle as a metal reviewer until I’m back on my feet fulfilling the heating and cooling needs of the fine people of Bloomington. Enough about the current state of my sorry ass, though. Let’s get this Christ-for...