Listen, I haven’t been doing well. I don’t know if you turds have been paying attention to the news this week, but it looks like it’s all over for us God-fearing patriots. Sharia Law, Transgender for Everybody, Socialism…all of it is in our very near future. I mean, I’m already somewhat used to it, having lived just south of the dystopian, crime-riddled hellhole of Chicago for all of my 59 years, but that still doesn’t make me happy to see the same thing happen to the remainder of the country. No clue how the blue-headed simps even managed to fill out their ballots. They’ll be singing a different tune when their kids’ schools start buying mandatory litter boxes for their squawking little brats on their dime. Oh well, country’s completely fucked, so what’re you gonna do? Let’s get this Carnifex review out of the way, because there’s a bottle of Old Crow hiding underneath...