Disgruntled Dad Reviews with DAVE MUSTCOMPLAIN: INSOMNIUM – ‘Netherworlds’

Just got back from running my Sunday morning errands and Jesus Fucking Christ, $163.27 to fill up my Ford F150. Are you fucking kidding me?

According to my Facebook newsfeed, this is still Joe Biden’s fault, which I wholeheartedly believe even if I don’t entirely understand it. Goddamn, that worthless little shitbird has been out of office for going on two years now, and he’s still making life hell for us good and decent folks. I could go on for days here, but I’d better stop before I get too riled up.

Looks like I’ll be reviewing an album by some band called Insomnium today. I did a little digging and it looks like they’re from Finland. Is that a real country? Sounds made up to me, but I was too busy partying and getting laid to pay attention in Geography class in high school. Still managed to get a C- though, because I’m a fucking king. Anyway, here’s my review of Netherworlds.

Track 1: The Cold Song

Ugh, great title. Real inventive.

Track 2: Shadowlife

Gotta admit, I’m not hating the music here. Vocals eat so much shit, but that’s a given at this point. 

Track 3: Remembrance

Is this what all music sounds like in Finland? What else has even come from there? It’s times like these I wish I hadn’t knocked up Doreen so young so I could’ve traveled the world. It’s not like my lib daughter Jessica ever thanked me for my loving and not-entirely-absent parenting, anyway.

Track 4: Gleam in the Black

What the hell am I doing? You didn’t click on this review so you could hear me bitch about my daughter. Time to bitch about this music.

Track 5: The Hour Grows Late (feat. Tomi Joutsen, Tomi Koivusaari, Santeri Kallio)

Ugh, typing out those names was fucking exhausting. I’m going to have to take a break from the next few songs to recover.

Track 6: Arch of the Sky

Still on break.

Track 7: Pathways of the Night

Yeah, gonna need one more, boss.

Track 8: Ethereal Sleep

OK, I’m back. I’m really enjoying these drums, as they enhance the dreamlike atmosphere evoked by the acoustic guitars in tandem with the keyboards, with both of which being beautifully complemented by the vocals.

Track 9: The Banished

Holy shit, did I really just write that? Looks like that little break did wonders for my reviewing skills. I don’t like it. I didn’t start this gig so I could start relating to you whiny goths.

Track 10: Journey’s End

I’m going to just say I hate this song without really listening to it. Not gonna lie, I really scared myself two tracks back. Good thing this is the closer.

There you have it. 2/5 stars. If any of you little shits say I was actually starting to legitimately review the album I’m going to deny it with every fiber of my being. Now, fuck off and leave me alone. Dave Mustcomplain out.

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